I really like this, the way you've captured the nagging, persistent voice of an art professor. I got called on the ink splats thing once myself. And the whole "you clearly don't understand art at all" bit near the end is just priceless.
The two at the bottom-right that are white with pink/blue spot color look like really clean, effective design... especially when matched with the solid purple image with black outlines. I love this whole idea of questioning why some people decide lots of random splats and halftones are a good idea (although they do look great when used correctly).